one two three four, can i have a little more?

Good grief.

So, in the intervening weeks since the last time I actually sat down and wrote anything worth reading, I:

1. quit my job

2. called someone a best friend for the first time in over four years

3. had a spiritual revelation

4. had a relationship revelation

5. became more at peace with myself because of the the above.

The first thing, quitting my job, was something that was long overdue. It was killing me. Love was very disappointed in me for quitting (though it took a lot of prodding to get him to admit it) because he felt like I was relying too much on other people and not taking enough responsibility for the things in my life. I'll be really honest here: I'm not bothered by what he thought about it. It's better to be seen as irresponsible than it would to be dead because dear sweet God in Heaven I just could not take it anymore and I offed myself. I promise -- it's better.

I'm a lot happier without the job, and I've realized that as much as I like weddings, I hate the industry and what the entire idea of weddings and what everyone thinks they SHOULD be does to people. These dresses turn ordinarily decent people into body-hating, bitter grouches. They turn reasonable men and women into insane caricatures of their former selves and ruin relationships.  They lose sight of what the wedding is supposed to be about: the marriage. It's not just a DAY. It's the day that starts off the rest of your lives, together. Your marriage! How amazing is that? And people forget because that's what the entire industry has trained us to do. You're supposed to get wrapped up in these little details, like the embroidery on your napkins and the flavor of each of your fifteen tiers of cake, and spend a gazillion dollars on it and oh you HAVE to remember that this is YOUR day and you get to do whatever YOU want and to hell with what anyone ELSE thinks.

This is not to say that you shouldn't disregard what a person every now and again thinks. Some people have toxic thoughts and they're no good for you. But when it becomes all about you, you need to stop and think. Nothing that changes people this drastically for the worse can be a good thing, and people lose sight of that when they get caught up in all of these inane details. It's not about you; it's about your marriage. This thing built between two people that are ready to face down all of the wonderful, scary, irritating things that come with spending the rest of your life with someone. You're ready to wake up to the same person every morning... and their morning breath. Making their family your family, only you can't get into a rabid fight with them over the remote. Slow dancing in the kitchen together to sweet love songs and then those quirky ones that only the two of you get the significance. It's understanding that, regardless of how much this person can get under your skin, there's no one else you'd rather come and help you pick up the pieces. There's no one else whose morning breath you'd tolerate, and who would tolerate yours.

So, no. I don't like the wedding industry, and I'm glad to be shut of it.

I think I am going to break the rest of these into separate posts, because I am quite tired. So, I will write about Best Friend and my revelations later.